The Selfish Mother's Day List

To most moms, Mother's Day is a tease.

It is a Hallmark day.

Truly, Mother's Day is a daily event. It's not necessarily the kind of day a "mom" may want to spend, but if she were to end up daydreaming, the family crashes. I mean, food won't get cooked. Dishes won't be washed. Heaven forbid you have a pet and it won't get fed or watered. Not to mention all those school and after school activities the family would be missed if mom wasn't there to plan and schedule things out.

Don't forget the dental and medical appointments. Oh, trash day. Making sure birthdays are planned, paid for and dated on the calendar. Cards sent out. Invites. Groceries.

So, really, mother's day is really a day of chores. One up if she's a working mom. She actually has to be "professional" even on days she wears mismatched socks or stockings. Or mismatched shoes. Or make-up that 's only half on because she was interrupted mid-application of blush by the flying Cheerios the kids are chucking on each other. Or the days she has to put on a smile shortly after she realizes that the kids did something so horrendous, they deserve to be taken out of this universe.

Ah, so the man (or husband) -made holiday known as Mother's Day dawns upon on the first Sunday of May.

Most husbands (if they do remember it's Mother's Day) would rally up the kids (maybe other husbands too) and come up with a game plan.

Most husbands would go to the local jewelry store and pick out what's being advertised as the Mother's Day present of the year. Can you hear the little "yay" mom would cry out when she realizes that she and a gazillion other moms would be receiving the same day? Not so special, huh?

Others would get the kids together to have a "breakfast in bed" celebration. Lovely notion until mom realizes that there's cooked egg on the range, half a glass of orange juice had been spilled and not mopped up, and flour, sugar, and heaven knows what else had been traipsed on the carpet and floor, leaving a lovely streak for ants to follow. Was that the hubby or significant other cussing because he spilled the maple syrup on the dog? Yaaaay. She knows what she's cleaning up after she's had breakfast.

Then there's the standby: flowers. Just hope that dad didn't spend an arm and a leg at the grocers for the half wilted flowers that may end up in the trash at the end of the day. I know, it's the thought that counts, right?

Well, as a mom of one, I have 5 very selfish wishes for the next Mother's Day (if not, succeeding Mother's Day celebrations as well. At that, I would rename Mother's Day to Mother's Day-Off, because truly, that's what I want a break from; the chores). I won't deny that I like flowers. Gosh, I'd prefer to have it more often than just Mother's Day, in fact. I won't also turn down jewelry. But you really can't want such accoutrement if it hasn't been offered since your wedding day or you have no occasion to use said baubles. And yes, I prefer breakfast on the table where I can corral the mess before it spreads. With that being said, here's my list.

My Top 5 Wishes Are:

5. Leave Me Alone. Seriously. Alone. Having the ability to decide to just sit and read, or have a coffee and leaf through the glossy pages of a trashy magazine is heaven compared to refereeing a fight between father and child. If I choose to do chores on this blessed occasion, it would be because I chose to do so. Foolish mommy, I know, but there's much to be said about that alone time.

4. Scrapbooking/Blogging/Writing Time. Ahh, the feel of keyboards keys, or a pen, or a pair of pinking scissors would be nice. I know I am still working on my wedding album. It's just been almost a decade since I've said, "I Do". Now if I can just show proof before my son gets married...

3. A Housemaid. Or Houseman. Even for a day. If just for once, the windows would get cleaned, floors would be mopped, laundry be washed and folded and put away properly. The beds would be made, the trash be taken out, the tubs and toilets would be scrubbed. The newspapers would be in the recycling bin, the tabletops dusted. The refrigerator restocked, the carpets vacuumed and heaven forbid have a pet and they be groomed, walked and if in a cage or aquarium, cleaned all before the day ends. See? The thought makes you salivate, eh? Bonus if he looks like a cabana man... And the hubby won't mind the staring.

2. A day in the spa. Spouse optional. Hmmm... Spa...

1. Sleep. Uninterrupted, unadulterated sleep. No one outside banging on your door, no kid climbing under the sheets at oh dark hundred. No spouse stealing the sheets or asking for a booty call. Sleep.

So how's that for a Mother's Day (Off) list? What's your dream?