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Thursday, December 29, 2005

"Bring Out Your Dead!"

Or I guess your resolutions, take your pick.

The year's coming to an end and I think I have heard everyone's New Year's resolution at work. Nilly and I haven't made a resolution in probably forever (okay, last year, I attempted (after not breaking my resolution not to make a resolution) and probably commited to 90% of it, failing at the losing weight thing) but here's something that I've always passed on to ANYONE attempting to lose weight or gauging whether they need to go on a weight-loss program as their New Year's resolution.

It's a humorous outlook on Dieting from the defunct Rosie Magazine from way back. Enjoy!!!!


Jenny Craig calls you, herself.

You convince yourself muumuus are fashionable.

Yourt husband is your goal weight.

You use pliers to zip up your jeans.

The XXXL T-shirt you bought for sleeping fits like a tank top.

You order a half-gallon in ice cream, and the twerp behind the counter asks you if you want a spoon.

You get your thyroid checked weekly.

Your neck is no longer visible.

Your fat clothes have become your thin clothes.

Strangers ask you when your baby is due.

Sex with your partner feels like a threesome.

You find a recent snapshot and realize the camera adds 40 pounds.

You'll only buy the clothes with the word STRETCH on the label.

The saleswoman at Lane Bryant can't help you.



ames said...

well, i'm not even going to pretend that losing weight is one of my resolutions... not that it isn't, but it's not going on the official list. however, working out is going on the list. learning to knit is also on there, along with finishing anything original into a coherent book format...



Camilla said...

Happy New Year M... and Amy, Katherine and those who actually know who I am. *hugs*