The Friendship Oath

In true friendship fashion, I would like to take this moment to pledge my allegiance to those that choose to have me in their circle of friends. It may be a mistake on their behalf but hey, I'll stay put until I overstay my welcome.

1. When you are sad -- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. When you're hurt- I will stomp on your foot so you'd forget what hurt in the first place!
10. When you cry- I will point out how ugly, funny and gross you look when your snot hangs in your nostril when you sob.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask: Because you are my friend!

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.

(Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.)

~Thanks to D who supplied me these words of wisdom several months ago.