The D-List

So there I was, sitting in front of the TV munching on some late night Original Ruffles. I should have gone for the left over Pho I had for dinner but I was too lazy to take the food out of the refrigerator and microwave it.

This was about 2am and there is NOTHING on TV. Sure, I watched the tail end of Craig Ferguson's show and a Conan rerun, switching back and forth between the two channels to occupy my time. What else is left to do, right?

I should've been putting the finishing touches to MNT but I was so totally bored I had to do something else.

Anyway, commercial comes on and I do my infamous speed channel surf. I get the remote, go through all the cable channels and recognize as many shows as I could without looking at the station banner on the right hand side. Of course you would know it's Cartoon Network when you see Inuyasha on. You know it's the Food Network when you see Bobby Flay on. However, I was taken aback when I saw Kathy Griffin on BRAVO.

Finally, I get to catch the D-List routine on a channel I don't have to pay extra! (Well, you get my drift: HBO, Showtime, the works. I still pay too much for cable.)

She annoys the heck out of me but she to me is an accident waiting to happen. You just can't look away.

Her bits were funny. She talked about the Hollywood Square and how Little Richard thought that Anna Nicole's dog was Triumph the Insult Dog. She reminisced about doing the Billboard Awards. She talked about AMFARM.

Now her last bit was totally piss on your pants hilarious.

She talked about how Sharon Stone apparently started crying while reading the lyrics to John Lennon's Imagine. She also said she had a chance meeting with the late Beatle. Nothing heart stopping. Just a glance meeting. Kathy was doing the 'church giggle' at this point. If I was there, I would've been doing the church giggle along with her. Perish the thought, right?

After Sharon Stone finished her speech, dinner commenced and Kathy was all worked up about doing her 20 minute stand up routine. Rosie O'Donnell challenged Kathy to imitate Sharon's speech on stage to the lyrics of something like Itsy Bitsy Spider. If she does it, Rosie will donate $10K on Kathy's behalf to AMFARM. Kathy had to think it through. Apparently, the producer of SATC was going to kick in another $5K if she went through with it. Apparently, Rosie was going around table to table advertising her dare to Kathy.

She was nervous. Assembled in front of her were the 'power lesbians' (her term, not mine, although I thought it was funny). So she goes up and imitates Sharon Stone. Only, the lyrics she chose was "Hound Dog". Pausing, tearing up, doing a great impression of the psycho chick. If that wasn't enough, Kathy went on talking about a chance meeting with Elvis... and that she did him. Of course it wasn't true but I would've wanted to see that 'in-your-face' moment painted on Sharon.

I was on the floor, laughing so loud my sides hurt. I was surprised Nilly didn't wake up to the commotion.

Of course, Sharon Stone tried to be sport about it but hey, she opened herself to that, right?

Anyway, Rosie O'Donnell kept her promise and pledged $10K in behalf of Kathy to AMFARM.

I thought at that moment, Rosie, you are all right.

And Kathy, as long as I see Alice"s face on you (for those of you who never knew, she was the voice of Alice in Dilbert the TV show), you, too, are alright.